Standing In

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My God I’m standing in

I just want to take a moment to say thank you

for all you do, we forget, go about life like your not there

no care, second thought, or pause, never realizing something greater is at work here

I’m standing in, You alone deserve all praise

 

Lord I’m standing in

forgive us for thinking we could do this on our own

teach us how to let you have your way

Give us hearts that seek wisdom from above

Teach us the meaning of pure love

Casting out all evil, false idols, all that is not of you

I’m standing in, please hear my plea to you I pray

 

Prince of peace I’m standing in

when things are good for us, forgive us when we forget to say

thank you, for blessing us this way

sickness, tragedies, confusion shouldn’t be the only reason we call your name

perhaps we have been selfish for that we carry the blame

we are not perfect lord, have mercy, forgive us please

I’m standing in, placing no one before you, it’s long overdue

I’m standing in, mend our hearts, make them forever changed and brand new

 

Alpha and Omega I’m standing in

Surrending all, down on bended knees

Precious Lord take our hands

Restore within us all that you desire we are your willing vessel, show us your plan

How can we ever repay you, you’ve been too good, what could we ever do

I’m standing in just to say thank you

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IN OUR PAIN – FINDING SOLACE

Yesterday was certainly a sad day for this country.  The killings in Connecticut would claim the lives of many children and adults at an elementary school – broke my heart into many pieces. When you send your children off to school – getting harmed is the least of your worries. My heart went out to the mothers, fathers, siblings and greater family at large – no matter how hard I tried I could not begin to imagine a loss such as this. I hurt for them, cried for them, prayed for them and no words of comfort would ever be enough to take away the pain – prayer and God’s intervention is the only power that could place calm where there is utter chaos. When the lives of such innocent children are taken it immediately gets our attention and it should. Out of all the crimes that are committed nothing grabs at our hearts more than when it involves children.  It was senseless, beyond evil, and well – unfathomable. Ask me what I thought of the man behind the killings – coward, animal -thought that if continued would be ungodly.  In the spirit of my being there is more. I know there is more, but for now I will leave deciphering the pieces to another day.

My children came home from school yesterday, and it made my day to see their bright faces. They came home when others didn’t. The would go about their shopping spree with the church, excited, overjoyed,  living outside of the worries – so many parents were carrying that day.  They would sleep in their beds nestled under their blankets for warmth. They would wake to find their favorite programming to watch and talk amongst themselves about their previous day. They would go on being children, and perhaps the world will go on. There will come a time when the hurting will lessen. We will continue on. We will try to make sense out of it all. Everyday that I have – I will love more, cherish, appreciate, hug, kiss, pray, love my kids more. The children are our most precious gifts and we have to protect them the best we know how, however we can not live in fear of what tomorrow holds. For them we must be the example they need and keep trusting that God is still God –  no matter what we are facing.

Finding solace that those babies whose lives ended too soon are now happy in heaven. They are skipping, playing – free of worry and pain. They are now angels watching over their loved ones.

Your Destination has been reached

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I love traveling. I can drive for hours, upon hours, listening to music, laughing with the kids and enjoying the scenery. I just love seeing the road, the trees, license plates of people traveling here, to there and everywhere. I wonder where they are going, and how far they have to go, if its a permanent trip or just a vacation of sorts. The GPS has become my friend, switching from the music to GPS to make sure I’m still on track, longing to hear the voice telling me, “Your destination has been reached.” I haven’t taken any real long trips since over the Spring. The last trip would bring me closer to home from Texas, a whopping 16 hour trip. I got a late start that day, leaving out just after 5pm. I knew I was in for a long ride, but I was up for the challenge, excited about the transition, but apprehensive about starting over. I liked Texas, except for those extremely hot days. Oh boy, times I didn’t want to leave the house. I made many friends, learned to adapt to being totally on my own, also adding to my map of places I have lived. I drove straight through that day, all night while the kids slept. I think I wore their little ears out with gospel music that stayed on repeat the whole way, but It kept me awake. Nuisance of parents.

I moved to Texas because I needed to break free of the rut that I had found myself in, living in the shadows of an ex husband was a life I just wasn’t willing to live anymore. I wanted my identity back, the free spirit, making it out of no way, me. An idea that was short lived. Court orders would seek to constrict my ability to live anywhere, unless I was willing to fork the bill.

I thought divorce would sever the ties, but not completely when kids are involved. So between my time, his time, proximity was a sure challenge that I would face for a while to come. I had to make a choice to come within few hours drive of him, to ease up some of the burden on me, So my traveling saga continues this Christmas. I’m wavering between being excited and just wishing I could stay in the comforts of my home, just me and the kids. I have gotten accustomed to that. I must go, to say the least, contrary to my family thinking I take this visitation thingy to seriously. That is up for debate I suppose.

I guess I could be defiant, and just not go, but defiance has never been a quality of mine. I guess I could plead with him, but I already know not to waste my time. Those type of conversations always lead to me being mocked. Don’t you have a man? Is he coming with you? What are you waiting for? I avoid that at all cost. He always try to counsel me on what it takes to get and keep a man. All I can say is WOW.  The old infamous if you just let a man do however he pleases, perhaps we would still be married sermon.   I guess I should feel guilty for wanting to be loved, and appreciated. Inside I’m screaming, “spare me the advice, please!” All I have left for him is being cordial, nothing more, nothing less.  I have friends there, most of whom I have outgrown, or maybe they have outgrown me. I go and see them, smile and look at my phone to see if I can escape the meaningless conversations, or the offers to get drunk, in which I had given up drinking years ago. I think they like to hear my answer, or see if it will change. Comical really. My family has been through a lot this year, lost of loved ones, makes this time of year bittersweet. I love to visit with them, and they love to see me, but more so, they want me to travel because I want to, not because I have to. Trying to explain it’s not that big of a deal, falls on deaf ears. I’m thinking that they hate it more than I hate if for myself. For the first time, in forever, they finally accept me, more than before.  They don’t necessarily get me, but that is alright. The summer time provided them a look into and appreciation for what drives me, differences and all. I shared with them some of my writings, and they couldn’t believe I still carried that talent. I didn’t try to conceal who I was anymore. That is a win. There is always a purpose for the roads you travel.

In a sense I am a traveler seeking to find my place again, a sense of who I am, and to go after what I always wanted, rather doing what others wanted of me. To keep on that road of self discovery, deepening my relationship with God. I am striving to dream again, those dreams that got deferred so that others could fulfill theirs. Reaching for those stars in the distance that disappeared so long ago, now reappearing. Listening for the music again, allowing me to dance with joy and rhythm of life. Painting beautiful pictures with the world as my canvas. What I have working for me now, that I let go before, is my total dependence on God. Letting my light shine, and no longer allowing anyone to put it out.

My responsibilities to my kids, to teach them the importance of building relationships with their dads even if they are not always around. I must do my part, to foster the relationship between them, regardless of the inconvenience it causes. Until we come up with alternative arrangements, we are traveling this Christmas, smile or not, it’s going to happen. I choose to smile.

My GPS hasn’t chimed in yet, so I must keep going. I’m excited about my future destinations, and what all that entails. The good thing is my traveling outlook, is that the roads are clear, maybe a few bumps here and there, but no real congestion to tend with. But if it were, I packed light. I have dropped off a few insecurities along the way, my heart has done some mending, and those memories serve as a backdrop to my many lessons and blessings. So when the sun shines I smile, when it rains I dance in it because even trees need that to grow, clouds just make you remember that, this too shall pass.

God is always with me even when it seems I’m traveling solo, but he also knows how much I want that confidant. He says,” I’m working on that.” God allows little annoyances, and reminders so that you never forget just how far you have come and to appreciate what’s ahead. I know he has plans for me, but I’m thankful for the detours because now I’m focused, I  need his GPS, I don’t trust my own. Even though I still have to do things that I don’t always want to, I can do so with a peace of mind. I will keep my friend time short, and not get into debates with my family about my traveling episodes. We will see how that goes. As for the ex, someone needs to ship him by fedex to destination, get over yourself.

This trip for Christmas is a mere six hours, I think I can manage that. I’m going to find something fun to do while I’m there. My childhood church always has the best Christmas Cantatas with lots of music and refreshments to follow. I’m excited to see where the road will take me this Christmas, ushering in a new year, with a new outlook, with fool proof GPS, surely to keep me on track.

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

large__3985490626Asking God for something is the easiest thing to do. Being ready for it is a different story. Last night I laid awake, as I often do. Many thoughts swept through my mind. Most times this would be the perfect moment for me to write my thoughts down, but of course it didn’t pan out that way. Dosing in and out- restless of sorts. I began to ask God for direction. Direction and the mindset to be ready for what I was asking. I often times find myself excited about the many changes happening in my life. With the excitement comes the unknowns. I feel like saying “let’s make a deal.” Putting on the brakes because it seems to be happening at lightening speed. Questioning what if, how this, how that. Yes, I do that from time to time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and prayed. I know prayer works, not in just my own life, but the lives of others. I prayed not only that God would reveal his promises to me, but that I am ready to receive it without reservation or doubt. The courage to continue to trust him at his word, that I would prevail through, and not be counterproductive to his promises. What tragedy it would be to thwart a beautiful beginning for mere inability to receive.

When God propels you to a higher level of living, believing, receiving, then you also have to elevate your thinking in the same direction. You can’t stay small minded, in a big world with big possibilities. When we sing,”he has done great things,” are we really believing in the enormousness of great? Or has our idea of great become mediocre? Residing within limitations of what we see, become accustomed to, experienced, but what if our view of “Great” actually meant things would, could happen, that would blow our natural minds. God is not limited to our limited perceptions. That means that I can expect great things for my family, health, career, relationship, hopes and dreams. All these things, can be released to me, knowing that he holds all and that I can go forward without hesitation. Living abundantly knowing he makes no mistakes and that what he has for me is for me. Nothing and no one can stand in the way of where God has already shown favor.

The mouth can ask for what the mind is thinking, but if the heart does not believe it, then it’s purposeless.  I want to have the faith to believe, heart to receive, and the patience to see it through. On the grand scale of things the possibilities are limitless, and I refuse to be boxed in. An impossible goal, if our thoughts perpetuate disbelief, or uncertainty.

Once my prayer was over I smiled and closed my eyes and slept. I know he has me in all things big or small, and that all I had to do was believe it, in its entirety. I’m going to stay out of my own way.  All things work together for my good, now and forever! Giving thanks for what he has already done in my life.

 

Lady In The Word

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If you could do something without limitations what would it be? If you could create something with nothing but your imagination what would that be. Being creative is the most freeing thing to me – it is like unleashing the bottled up pressure and allowing it to explode on paper, a painting – or writing a poem. It is the realest thing I know – something truly unexplainable or comprehensible with words alone. I imagine God when he created the earth – commanding the earth – water – sky – animals – man! He took nothing and created something beautiful. Just like your mother and father’s DNA transferred from them to you – so too your heavenly father granted his creativeness to his children. Just imagine that! You are a perfect expression of the heavenly father – and everything he is was securely planted inside you – beauty busting forward, Indescribable – magnificent!

Why does my hand moves the way they do – or my mind works the way it does?

I can’t explain it or even come up with enough answers or words to describe me.

If I could display the gifts of God would that even be enough for you too see

that all that I am and all that he is works together congruently

Find your expressions – find the desire and creativeness in your heart. It is there – you just may have to learn to see it again – reach for it again. Often it is not that it is gone – but that is has been stored away. It is ready for you to pull it out again. You may think that you have no time – all your time is used living. I say you aren’t truly living if who you are gets suppressed – it’s time to find yourself again in the creativeness bestowed upon you by Jesus Christ. It is the fiber of who you are – sewn in the fabric of your inner cord. Be free – be creative – be you!

 

 

 

It’s no Accident

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The moment you woke you were given a choice.  A choice to grab ahold of the day before you and frame it. This day is different from any other day. It hasn’t been written on, its a blank canvas awaiting your artistry.  Paint it beautiful. Paint it with the colors from your heart. Give it personality that only you can give. That canvas before you has your name on it. Its no accident your here so why not frame it with the power within.

The Next Level

In order to move to the next level, you first must conquer the level your on. You have to move on, carrying only the lessons, and strength gained in the last level. Do you remember when Nintendo first came out? All children loved Mario brothers, spending countless hours playing trying to get to the next level. Being promoted to the next level brought much excitement and craving to push through to the next level, leaving us with such a sense of accomplishment. Life is not a
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game, but we do need to keep going further, breaking through everything that comes before us. We need the endurance and perseverance to see it all through. We are to be excited about the future because it is a future that is guided by God. It is his divine plan that gives us the ability to follow.

How do we move to this next level?

To move to any level in life we have to be willing to take with us only what is necessary for the journey. I hope you did not miss “necessary”. Have you ever flown somewhere and got to the airport and realize you have packed too much stuff, and if you wanted to take it all you paid a healthy fine, or you left it behind. In life we are travelers; taking everything with you is a heavy load, and it slows you down. So pack light. Drop some baggage off even if it has to go unclaimed. Some baggage needs to be left behind. Oh, did you forget that dumpster you passed? Let us drop some thoughts, resentments, and some people too. Get rid of everything that is or has the potential to get you off course. You have somewhere to go, and you have to get serious about it. You need some help with that, well my friend you have to come to the right place, check this out!

Letting Go

Sometimes you have to let go
Even when what you are holding on to is all you know
The cost of holding on outweighs the cost of letting go
The baggage the stagnation is too heavy to carry.
I see you longing to be free
If your hands would open then what seems to be holding on to you
Will just let you be
So much to gain nothing to loose
Letting go, what will you choose?
Joy, peace, and life begins in the start
However, we must live to do our part
Do not carve what was in the sand
However, write the victory, which is the heavenly plan
Too blessed to be pressed
About what is already gone
The future is bright
Nevertheless, make peace with the past
Then you walk into destiny at last

Now we have that out of the way. Beloved your future is bright and you’re going places? Believe that. You do not have to take my word for it, listen to what God says about it.

Philippians 3:12-14

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (NKJV)

Beloved position yourself in the right direction that God has created for you. He has some much that he wants you to experience. Take a bold step and move forward! Have you ever looked up the word purposed? Everything within the definition speaks of the future. To have intention of, relevant, design, aim, result, resolve to perform or accomplish, and to create. I am sure I could go on. Your future is relevant and you were created to do and accomplish what God has placed upon you. Today let us be changed beloved, you have waited for this time, now lets move forward. Do not waste another minute; do not miss the next level. Drop what is not relevant, keep the lessons, dream big and get to that next level, it is yours.